This is a very personal post, and a difficult post to write , I have written it many times in my head, but now, in the week that my divorce has been finalised, it seems like a good time to put in on paper as it were.
A little while ago, I wrote a blog entitled " Things that I would tell my younger self", and I quite deliberately missed something out.
Addressing my sexuality.
A friend asked me recently why I did not come out when I was younger? I have been asked that several times, most notably by my mother and my ex wife! Another friend asked me if I regretted not coming out sooner. Another once asked me, why I had lived a lie for so long. The answer is most definitely NO.
Both my mother and my ex wife were quite reasonably upset when I did tell them, and that was very difficult for everybody concerned, and I wish that was different. That is a quite normal reaction. However, there is much more to it, I believe.
This is a difficult post to write , I have written it many times in my head, but now seems like a good time to put in on paper as it were.
So...
- I have known I was attracted to men and women since I was 13
- I have never been confused about it
- I thought I was gay for 6 months or so, but realised quite quickly that I was Bisexual
- I married for love and I was very happy for most of the 17 years we were together
- My sexuality was not the reason our marriage failed
- It has taken me a long time to accept being "labelled" as gay, since it isn't strictly true. I am at a point now where I do bot care
- MOST IMPORTANTLY. I try not to regret anything, but I certainly cannot regret keeping my sexuality to myself, even hiding it from my closest friends and family. Most of all because I have three wonderful children. !!!
- Most of the above is generally irrelevant and nobody's business
- I am VERY happy that I have found a wonderful man, who I intend to spend the rest of my life with
I do believe very firmly that sexuality is a spectrum , and everyone is somewhere on that spectrum. The vast majority are at one end or the other. Some people are like me, and are in the middle.
Why am I writing this?
For myself mostly, but also because there is still so much stigma attached to being gay or bisexual. Teenagers are still killing themselves and being made homeless. IN 2015! IN BRITAIN!
40% of the homeless young people on the streets in London are gay or bisexual, and most have been abandoned by their families. I am lucky to have the love and support of my friends and family, including the mother of my children. Not everyone is so lucky.
Homophobic bullying is still common in many schools, and communities.
For me it seems very odd, that I cannot walk down the street holding my boyfriend's hand, even in lovely liberal, easy going Malvern, it would be a very challenging experience for us.
For me that is why people like Ben Cohen and Gareth Thomas are such wonderful human beings. They devote their time to working with young people to fight homophobic bullying .
Check out their charities:
http://www.standupfoundation.com/
http://www.diversityrolemodels.org/
If you get a chance support them, please.
There you go. Sorry if it seems a bit personal. I needed to get it off my chest.
Till next time
Dx
