Positivity, Materialism and Happiness

This post was prompted by a series of conversations that I had earlier in the year at The Dentistry Show and BDA Conference.

 I met a lady for the first time in the bar at the Crowne Plaza (where all good conversations begin!), She is not a dentist but is very well known in the Dental world, and she was a bit drunk!

This lady was sitting with some other well known  non dentist dental types (!), who were friends of mine and the conversation was getting very heated, as I joined them

"All dentists care about is money"

"Fast cars, big houses, expensive holidays"

"Bloody dentists, , always talking about money and cars" etc etc, you get the picture.

So of course I jump in with my 50p's worth,  (not having a fast car, big house or much money for holidays), and by the end of the conversation I had convinced my new friend that most dentists are not at all money driven , greedy, materialistic bastards, and are actually quite nice people, with goals and aspirations that are not related to money and worldly possessions at all

This got me thinking. Why is it that the general public think this? Even non dental professionals within the greater Dental world think this, so there must be some truth in it surely?

When I think back to my schooldays, I remember that the main reasons that I applied to do Dentistry,centered around money and possessions. I had noticed that my own dentist who had inspired and encouraged me, had a new red sports car, a new beautiful blond wife and had built himself a big house! That will do for me I thought. (I have subsequently had and lost all of those things, but more of that later!)

Throughout my dental training and in my early years as an associate , it seemed that everyone within our profession was earning mega bucks (always more than I was, of course), and they all had fast cars and big houses, so that is what I aspired to even more. More hours, more fees = more money and infinite happiness, right?

Well, maybe for some but maybe not. Don't get me wrong I have many friends in Dentistry who earn a lot of money and have the possessions that go with it, and they are to the best of my knowledge very happy indeed. However I was not, not at all.

It took several years to see the light and work out how to simplify my life. I had help and inspiration from Chris Barrow, Tom Orent, Paddi Lund, Tony Gedge, Harris Sidelsky, Steven Covey and others. Eventually I saw the light and realised that to find happiness in work and home life I needed to stop chasing fees, and stop aspiring to be someone else.

I would encourage anyone to seek out those gentlemen I have listed, and LISTEN to them!

The big moment, my entrepreneurial lighting bolt moment  if you will, came in October 2006 (1030 on 16th October to be precise). I was attending a day course given by the American dentist Tom Orent. His story resonated so much with my own, and reflected so many of the ideas that Paddi Lund talked about- suddenly it all came together in my head. From that moment on I would think very differently.

What happened over the next few years is the subject of an upcoming blog, but suffice to say my priorities changed, and I started to think about working as a dentist in order to be happy and create happiness in my team and patients, rather than to make lots of money.

There are so many others that have reinforced those ideas-  Mark Oborn, Kevin Rose and Rob Whittaker especially spring to mind. I was lucky to spend some time with all 3, learning about the power of Neuro Linguistic Programming and how much a positive outlook can affect your general mental well being and happiness.

I am 46 years old, and I look back to a time 10 years ago, when I had plenty of possessions and money, but it was a fragile façade, and I was not happy. Not happy with my work, my marriage or my life. I attempted suicide at least twice before I pulled myself out of it, with the help of my friends including those that I have mentioned above. That and my own brand of stubborn bloodymindedness

Right now, I have little net worth, hardly any assets and I am an associate in the business I created, and recently sold (future blog!)
I can honestly say that I am as happy and fulfilled as at any time in my life.
I love my work, I love working with local and international charities and local community groups and I am in a happy and fulfilled relationship.

Simplifying my life so dramatically over the last few years has created a very real calm happiness.

I would encourage anyone reading this, who is questioning themselves or their purpose:

• Read more
• Learn from Masters
• Be Positive and Proactive in everything that you do
• Be yourself, always
• Listen more
• Educate yourself, not just with clinical stuff
• Surround yourself with positive people
• Keep life simple

Above all- If something is wrong - CHANGE IT. If you are tolerating negative stuff- STOP IT

Be Happy

Until next time...

Dx

Challenges and other things

First post for a while- sorry, life has been very busy. Amongst other things I have got divorced (amicably) and sold my practice. My life is now wonderfully simple and I can focus on other things- more in my next post!

Those of you who know me have probably got used to my seemingly never ending stream of ridiculous challenges and fundraising activities. This year I decided that my comfort zone needed expanding again, and I have done enough bike challenges that they don't seem to be enough of a challenge ( Last years End to End has seen to that!). So what to do?

Well obviously since I don't swim well, and don't run well and I have done neither "seriously" for 25 years+ , I should do a Triathlon! It has always been something on my bucket list, but I have managed to find excuses for years. Well no more excuses.

Warwickshire Sprint Triathlon in September - 400m swim, 23km cycle, 5km run= EASY! Well the cycle will be easy, but 400m is futher than I have swam IN TOTAL in 25 years, and I have not run further than the length of a squash court since I was student ( and not much then). So it is a big challenge.

To add spice to the mix, my business partner Karen Sutton is also doing it and it has become a contest between us ( we are both a tiny bit competitive!).

Of course there needs to be a fundraising element to it, which involves the two charities closest to our respective hearts:

• Dental Mavericks for me (www.dentalmavericks.org), helping to provide dental care for the Berber children of Morocco .
• Community Action Malvern for Karen,which helps various voluntary groups in the Malvern area

Today marks 50 days to go, and I am still a long way from being able to swim 400m, but closer to my running goals. The training goes on ( including swimming coaching from my kids, who have taken pity on my woeful technique) and I know that I will get there, and I know this will be an amazing experience.

If you are able to help with a small donation, that would be awesome.

 http://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/DAVIDWATSON18

Thanks for reading. Until next time....

Dx

Things I dont like very much (Hate is such a negative word!)

Things I dont like very much 

(Hate is such a negative word!)

1. The Daily Mail- such a negative, hateful, spiteful rag
2. Mothers driving in the morning school run- always in such a dangerous hurry- GET UP EARLIER!
3. Beetroot
4. Primativo/Zinfandel
5. Rudeness
6. Poor Service
7. Rubbish Pseudo American R+B
8. Litter
9. Ingratitude
10. Mushrooms (all of them!)
11. Tequila
12. My own laziness
13. Dishonesty
14. Religious Bigots
15. Waitrose in Malvern on a Thursday
16. Tomato Ketchup, heinz or otherwise
17. Smelly people
18. The A14
19. and the M40
20. Fake Smiles
21. Chelsea Tractors
22. Champagne Socialists
23. Slow broadband
24. Rats!!
25. any other rodent
26. Bad parking on West Malvern Rd
27. Unpleasant Football rivalries ( even Sunderland AFC)
28. Bullies
29. especially homophobic bullies
30. Cheap French Wine
31. Confrontation
32. Arrogance
33. My own overweightness
34. and occaisional lack of will power
35. haircuts

Sexuality

This is a very personal post, and  a difficult post to write , I have written it many times in my head, but now, in the week that my divorce has been finalised, it seems like a good time to put in on paper as it were.

A little while ago, I wrote a blog entitled " Things that I would tell my younger self", and I quite deliberately missed something out.
Addressing my sexuality.

A friend asked me recently why I did not come out when I was younger? I have been asked that several times, most notably by my mother and my ex wife!  Another friend asked me if I regretted not coming out sooner. Another once asked me, why I had lived a lie for so long. The answer is most definitely NO.

Both my mother and my ex wife were quite reasonably upset when I did tell them, and that was very difficult for everybody concerned, and I wish that was different. That is a quite normal reaction. However, there is much more to it, I believe.

This is a difficult post to write , I have written it many times in my head, but now seems like a good time to put in on paper as it were.

So...

• I have known I was attracted to men and women since I was 13
• I have never been confused about it
• I thought I was gay for 6 months or so, but realised quite quickly that I was Bisexual
• I married for love and I was very happy for most of the 17 years we were together
• My sexuality was not the reason our marriage failed
• It has taken me a long time to accept being "labelled" as gay, since it isn't strictly true. I am at a point now where I do bot care
• MOST IMPORTANTLY. I try not to regret anything, but I certainly cannot regret keeping my sexuality to myself, even hiding it from my closest friends and family. Most of all because I have three wonderful children. !!!
• Most of the above is generally irrelevant and nobody's business
• I am VERY happy that I have found a wonderful man, who I intend to spend the rest of my life with

I do believe very firmly that sexuality is a spectrum , and everyone is somewhere on that spectrum. The vast majority are at one end or the other. Some people are like me, and are in the middle.

Why am I writing this?

For myself mostly, but also because there is still so much stigma attached to being gay or bisexual. Teenagers are still killing themselves and being made homeless. IN 2015! IN BRITAIN!

40% of the homeless young people on the streets in London are gay or bisexual, and most have been abandoned by their families. I am lucky to have the love and support of my friends and family, including the mother of my children. Not everyone is so lucky.

Homophobic bullying is still common in many schools, and communities.

For me it seems very odd, that I cannot walk down the street holding my boyfriend's hand, even in lovely liberal, easy going Malvern, it would be a very challenging experience for us.

For me that is why people like Ben Cohen and Gareth Thomas are such wonderful human beings. They devote their time to working with young people to fight homophobic bullying .
Check out their charities:

http://www.standupfoundation.com/

http://www.diversityrolemodels.org/

If you get a chance support them, please.

There you go. Sorry if it seems a bit personal. I needed to get it off my chest.

Till next time

Dx

Budapest

Lately, in our morning huddles at Beacon Dentalcare we have been sharing "facts" that we don't know about each other and I have been reminded of my fabulous 3 days in and around Budapest in 1991.

It involves Backpacking, Threat of imminent rape, murder or both, Billy Bragg, The Pope, an old primary school friend, a smelly train and a Hungarian Beatles tribute act.

It all starts in Keleti train station in Budapest in August 1991...........

So, my best friend (then and now) John Remington and I had been inter-railing through Europe for a few weeks and we arrive in Budapest late one August evening after a long train journey from Zurich. We have nowhere to stay as usual, and are greeted off the train by a young man offering "very cheap bed, and a good place to stay". Even at the time, he seemed dodgy, and looking back he was clearly very shifty, BUT we were tired and dirty and poor, and he was offering a cheap bed for the night, so what else could we do, but get in his dirty van and head off into the darkness of a strange Eastern European City.

We were not murdered, though I remember being very worried on that short journey. It turned out, that our friend was legit, and our accommodation was University halls of residence, empty for the summer! £5 per night well spent.!

Next day we set out to explore the city, which was surprisingly (to us) full of nice shops Mercedes cars and American Fast food places! Pest was lovely , but FULL of armed police , seemingly on every corner. We had no idea if this was normal or not, so we noted it and carried on. 

Things started to get strange after lunch (a Big Mac meal, obviously- always the cheapest meal in a new city, or at least it was then). Crossing the bridge from Pest to Margarita Island , in the middle of  the Danube, we walk straight past legendary singer Billy Bragg! In Budapest!  As I recall he was very nice, but of course no pen or camera was in sight! 

We carried on and settled on a sunny spot on the grass in the middle of the island, fully equipped with our normal evening diet of copious local beer and chocolate (very cheap on this occasion unlike the previous day in Zurich). After I while I noticed a young couple sitting near us, and something familiar about the guy. There followed at least 30 minutes of swapping odd glances and hushed conversation as we decided if we knew each other. Eventually, one of us ( I cant remember who) braved the question.... "excuse me don't we know each other".....

It turned out that he was a friend of mine from primary school, Pete Tilling (who had also worked with John and myself at Marks and Spencer), travelling with his girlfriend!!! Sheer odd coincidence.

We had a lovely afternoon with them, during which Pete told me that  the Pope was due to arrive in the city by boat and that was the reason for the heavy police presence.

Aha....

At the appropriate time, we moved ourselves to the side of the island to watch the Pontiff arrive in the city on his Popemaboat. Result!

We were intending to travel on that evening to Prague, taking a train that evening , which started in Budapest......

Before I go on, I should add a word about inter-railing. Generally the secret for a good night's sleep on a long overnight journey (Budapest to Prague for example) is to get on the train some time before it leaves, find a compartment (they were very common in ll countries across Europe in 1991), boots off, look smelly and unwelcoming and then get a good nights sleep!

"Shall we go and see the Pope in the main Square"

" But we will miss the train"

"yes, but there is another one two hours later"

"That train starts in Sofia, and is going to Berlin. we are never going to get a good seat"

"We'll be ok. How often will we get to see and hear the Pope"

"OK then"

I forget who said what, but the end result was we  found ourselves in Heroe's Square, with 500,000 other people. The Pope was a very small (he was quite short) white figure , about a mile away!, talking to the crowd in Polish and Hungarian. What a fabulous decision to be there!

The reality dawned quickly that we had mad a daft decision, so we left to catch the train, already worried about how we would get a place to sleep/ We were right to worry. Said train was FULL. Full of Bulgarian and Romanian families, filling every space available. Forget the idea of a compartment, there wasn't even room in the toilets! and the smell was appalling. We lasted approximately 2 minutes before deciding that we could not face 5 minutes on this train , never mind 15 hours. So we got off, an headed back to the University for a further night, not sure what the next day might hold.......

The following day, on the advice of my school friend, we headed to Lake Baloton (largest lake in  Central Europe!). What we found was a sort of German Blackpool by the lake (without the roller coasters). A very budget destination for less well off German holiday makers ( I am being kind).

What we also discovered was that Germans were not well liked by the locals, but Brits (and Dutch) WERE. We first discovered this that evening when we pitched up at an outdoor restaurant for tea. When the waiter discovered that we were English, he bundled a group of German students off a table and made us sit there. For the rest of the evening we had the most amazing friendly service , at the expense of our German student "friends"!

Later that evening, whilst watching the Hungarian Bootleg Beatles (really!), we got chatting to a Dutch couple, who explained that it was the same for them! A lovely evening was had by all.

The following day we headed back to Budapest and a train to Munich. Before we did that we had to spend all of our Hungarian currency, as it was a serious offence to export it. I can assure you that it was very difficult to spend the equivalent of £7.50 on light edible things in Hungary (It was very very cheap). We failed, but in the end it didnt matter, the Hungarian Border Guards really did not care.

There we have it, 3 days of surreal holidaying in an amazing place.

Vizsla

My name is Denzil, I am a Hungarian Vizsla. I am not a Rhodesian Ridgeback, Weimerner or Red Setter (seriously?!). In fact my breed is far older than all of those. Vizslak (the correct plural) have been around for more than 1000 years, but only existed outside of Hungary in any significant numbers for less than 100 years, and in the UK for only 60 or so.

In fact Vizslak as a breed almost became extinct in the 20th Century, at one time there were only 12 dogs alive!

I think I am a lap dog, apparently I am a gun dog, though the reality is that, uniquely I am both. I am a rare example of a great Hunter Pointer who makes a perfect family pet.

I am affectionate, loyal, intelligent,  and athletic. One of the fastest breeds, I am also fearless, protective and gentle. I have no faults. Well ,ok, I am very clingy, wilful and I need lots of proper exercise, and lots of company and stimulation.

I am healthy and long lived, most likely due to careful and limited breeding over the last 50 years.

I have very odd owners, and lots of them are dentists!

I am a real ginger.

That is all

Denzil x

Things I would like to tell my younger self....

Firstly a word about why I am writing this blog. It started out as a way of recording my progress in diary form, when I cycled John O'Groats to Lands End back in May 2014. However, with a little encouragement from some friends, I decided to keep it up in 2015 and write regularly.

I tend to write from the heart without much filter, and I shall visit many different things, some of which will be very personal. Sharing these thoughts might seem a bit arrogant or self promoting. That is not my intention.

The first half dozen or so posts are my way of reflecting on the last year and indeed my life and making myself accountable by voices my thoughts public ally. This is going to be a momentous year on many levels. Genuinely life changing. I have reached a major crossroads, and I want to record my thoughts and actions in this blog.

I shall be done with the reflective stuff by the end of this or the next blog, and then... Who Knows.
I know I wont often be very serious . My default position is normally not to take myself or others too seriously.I shall often write in bullet points.  I might occasionally stray into religion or politics, but not often and not for long.

Apologies for the inevitable smelling and gramatical;  mistooks/.

So..... Things I wish I could tell my younger self, in roughly chronological order:

• Stick with it when learning to play a musical instrument, especially the piano
• Stay strong when the bullying starts to  get too much. It will end AND you will have the last laugh
• Try harder at Biology, you are going to need it. In fact , resit the pressure to do Further Maths at A Level and do Biology instead.
• Read more
• Exercise more
• Start going to the gym seriously and don't stop
• Do not chase after Becky Sedge for so long, she absolutely is not worth it.
• In 2nd year at Dental School, there will be an evening when you will have a choice to make. Either go to the Student's Union and see a new band from Manchester called "The Stone Roses", OR stay in the pub thinking you have a chance to score with Rhona. GO TO THE CONCERT!!!!!!
• Don't got to Grays Casino, or in fact any casino ever. No good will come of it. 
• When you qualify, and after you have finished Vocational Training, go and do some Postgrad and keep doing it. Seek out the best and learn from them. Do a Masters! Don't wait until your thirties to realise this!
• In 2000 when you have the choice whether to go it alone or join Kevin Fieldhouse in practice. Have the courage to go it alone!
• AND at that time go and get a coach to help, it will likely be Chris Barrow. It will be worth the money
• learn to stop wasting time and money
• Holiday more
• Excercise more

There are also things I would talk to myself about regarding sexuality, but I think that needs a different conversation!